DeusEx saved my life: a feminist-autoethnography of video-gaming through major depressive disorder.

Adams, Nicholas Norman

Abstract

Autoethnographic accounts of mental illness (MI) are sparse in academic scholarship, despite generating valuable insights into how MI can be experienced and coped-with in real-life contexts. First-person accounts from men are especially lacking, possibly linked to historic trend for masculine stoicism stifling MI accounts. Some scholarships explore video-gaming as a positive, escapist aid benefiting individuals experiencing Major Depressive Disorder (MDD). However, no research exists presenting in-depth perspectives on possible positive effects; self-identified and articulated by actors engaging with gaming to cope with MDD. This research adopts a novel qualitative perspective, representing an in-depth autoethnographic examination of my experiences playing the Personal Computer (PC) game DeusEx, during a period of my life where I was under treatment for MDD. My positions as both a psychologist specialising in research prioritising feminist theory as applied to understand men, masculinities and mental health, and someone themselves recurrently treated for MDD over longer than twenty-two years, constructs a unique duel-positionality perspective. Explicit discussions of my MDD experiences, and my experiences concerning the value of video-gaming as a positive, escapist aid during MDD are presented, alongside personal deconstructions of the lasting influences of hegemonic masculinity upon men speaking-up about MI. Arguments are presented for future scholars utilising autoethnographic methods to generate realist perspectives, normalising mental health discussions, particularly the sharing of underrepresented male experiences. Implications for future scholarship are developed and put forward, building upon learnings generated by this research.

Citation

ADAMS, N.N. [2024]. DeusEx saved my life: a feminist-autoethnography of video-gaming through major depressive disorder. Qualitative health research [online], OnlineFirst. Available from: https://doi.org/10.1177/10497323241307193

• Journal Article Type: Article
• Acceptance Date: Nov 13, 2024
• Online Publication Date: Dec 17, 2024
• Deposit Date: Nov 15, 2024
• Publicly Available Date: Nov 15, 2024
• Journal: Qualitative health research
• Print ISSN: 1049-7323
• Electronic ISSN: 1552-7557
• Publisher: SAGE Publications
• Peer Reviewed: Peer Reviewed
• DOI: https://doi.org/10.1177/10497323241307193
• Keywords: Major depressive disorder (MDD); Mental health; Video gaming; Computer gaming; Gaming therapy; Games and mental health
• Public URL: https://rgu-repository.worktribe.com/output/2578341